written by: Emily Alston
Ribs, Burgers, Potatoes and Beans - that’s right y’all, I’m the Backyard Barbeque Queen! Sent here to save you from any and all mistakes you could possibly make at your next BBQ.
Now, you might be thinking, how many mistakes could you possibly make at an average family grill out. Well trust me, there are a few. But, I got you!
Let’s get started:
Do Bring/Make Grandma’s Potato Salad
Quite honestly, it’s just rude to deprive people of your grandmother’s cooking. And a backyard barbeque is one of the best places to share your Nana’s creations. Whether it’s your BBQ or your friend’s, I advise you make that delicious Miracle Whipped salad and share the love.
Bonus: If you’re the guest bringing this delectable dish, it’s easy to transfer! And will fit right in your clear tote for safe travels.
Do Bring a Personal Fan
You’re outside, for one. And for two, you never know when things are gonna get hot and heavy. I mean, what if Billy comes over and starts talking to you? You’re gonna get steamy, cause Billy is a freaking dream, and no one has an appetite around sweaty Betty. Pack a fan, or my personal fav: a battery operated handheld fan, in that clear handbag and don’t let perspiration ruin your flirtations.
Do Wear Flat Shoes
What are you doing in heels? Are you trying to aerate the lawn? I didn’t know you were in landscaping. Oh, you’re not. BBQ’s are a time to relax and enjoy the company of friends and family. How are you supposed to do that when you’re breaking ankles to get a burger off the grill. If those wedges are absolutely necessary for your outfit, walk into the event with them on and then switch them out for the flip flops you packed in your clear crossbody bag. Your feet and the lawn will thank you.
Don’t Be Sloppy Sally
1 Drink. 2 Drink. 3 Drink - Go Home. You’re done hun. BBQ’s are for the food, the people, the conversation, the cornhole - not for you to make some great escape from thinking about your breakup with Charlie. That’s business between you and Bridget Jones. Stick to just a few beverages and don’t be a mess. You can always put that last Whiteclaw in your clear backpack and save if for when you get home to your cat. My cat enjoys the Mango flavor.
Don’t Use the Tablecloth as a Napkin
Yes, this needs to be said. I’ve seen ‘em swipe a mouth and I’ve even seen ‘em pat down a hand - all with the BBQ’s proud plaid tablecloth. It’s sad and should never be done. The tablecloth is an aesthetic. A decor that is essential to the dining experience. Don’t dirty the linen. Bring some extra napkins in your clear clutch bag and when one gets too saucy toss it and grab another. Just don’t touch that trimming!
Don’t Tell The Chef the Steak Sucked
Pack a cracker in your transparent purse and keep quiet. Yes, Bob cooked a bad filet. But he gave his all and frankly doesn’t need to know you didn’t get medium rare. He provided his services and his backyard for goodness sake. Just give Bob two thumbs up and move along sis.
That about wraps up my backyard barbeque essentials. Follow all the rules and you’re sure to have a wonderful charcoal experience.