written by: Emily Alston
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
It’s me again, Emily. Here to give you top tier advice on everybody’s favorite activity: Happy Hour!
So grab your clear crossbody purse, pour yourself a sex on the beach and let’s get started.
Do Pick the Perfect Spot
Location is key. Does the place have good pricing? Does it have a good atmosphere? What about great attendance? Does the bar staff give a good pour? Are the people wearing trendy clear handbags? These are the questions one must ask themselves before deciding on a happy hour location, and all answers must be yes to enter.
Do Treat Your Barstool Neighbor to a Beverage
Happy hour is all about the company. It’s not just about the Cosmos and the Peronis. It’s about meeting new friends, new soulmates. So make sure to pack a few extra coins in that clear clutch purse to buy a Long Island Iced Tea for the babe next door. You’re guaranteed to have a buddy for life.
Do Bring An Assortment of Snacks
Did you know 69% of men don’t wash their hands. Those are just the facts of the internet. So don’t touch them or the bar nuts!! Because dudes love bar nuts. If your stomach starts to grumble, the safest thing you could ingest is an apple straight from your clear backpack. Happy hour is always 100% better when you’re not in danger of a deadly disease or hangry, so do yourself a favor and pack your own peanuts, or maybe a chocolate bar or two.
Don’t Be the First to Arrive
Being the first to arrive isn’t just uncool, it’s down right rude to your outfit. Your fanny pack needs an entrance. Don’t let it down by arriving before the crowd but also don’t miss happy hour... Show up just in time, and by that I mean 30 min into happy hour, which is usually between 5-7pm, so that means 5:30ish if we’re doing math.
Don’t Get Cocktail Crazy
Woah there! Did we not talk about this in backyard bbqs? It is just not proper, or safe, to have one too many drinks while out in public. Just because your clear tote bag can handle a little mess, doesn’t mean you need to be spilling your Manhattan on her. Keep it together, stick to just a few drinks and remember what my government teacher used to say: “The world's a stage and everybody is watching. Don’t let them see you puke.”
Don’t Leave With Your Barstool Neighbor
You guys had fun - I can tell. But this doesn’t mean they need to come home with you and meet your roommate. You just met. Grab their number, stick it in your clear designer bag and bid them adieu for the night. You can always hit them up next happy hour for round 2!
There you have it. You know the deal - stick to my rules, never forget your Margo Paige bag and you’re sure to have a happy hour homerun every time!
Emily's happy hour bag picks:
The Three Fringe Crossbody