First Date Etiquette
written by: Emily Alston
It’s your first date? Pretty nervous, huh? Well don’t be. You’re going on a date... and I’m over here jealous of you.
But, if you’re still nervous, don’t worry! I’ve got some pretty hot tips I think will help settle those nerves.
So sit back, relax and let me tell you the do’s and don’ts of a first date.
Give Yourself a Pep Talk Precisely 10 Min Before - This is crucial. And it needs to be done in front of a mirror. Preferably a standing mirror to get the full effect.
Don on your date night outfit - which I can only assume includes your on trend Margo Paige clear clutch purse, and render your best self love poetry. I personally like to start simple, with my beauty, and then I go ahead and work my way down to my generosity and world leadership - but it’s really up to you.
Go to the Bathroom at Least Twice - Don’t avoid your bladder, or God forbid your colon. You know you have to go. The second time around is for the mystery. It’s to get them thinking. Didn’t she just go? Is she okay? Is she having fun with me?? Shoot maybe I need to try harder? Then there you have it, they’re on their knees for you.
Bathroom breaks are also a great time to pamper and give yourself another good pep talk about your gorgeous nature in the mirror. Get out that lipstick you surely packed in your clear handbag and start applying while you recite: “I’m the queen of all things love. My mother is Aphrodite, my father Henry Cavill.”
Subtly Wink During a Cocktail Cheers - Eye contact is very important and if you don’t do it over a cup clap that’s 7 years bad sex. Be sure to lock those eyes and then go ahead and take it to the next level with a wink. Yes, winks can be creepy, but strategic winks just get the ball rolling. So once the Don Juan hits the table, offer up a toast, such as, “Here’s to us. And if we get drunk, may we....”, then wink. Works every time.
Be Sure to Discuss the Future - What are you looking for? What do you see for yourself in 5 years? If you asked me in 2015, I definitely didn’t say quarantine but what matters were my dreams, my visions for myself. Visions are sexy. So share yours and see if your date’s match up. If they do, that’s a first date bingo!
Don’t Be Judge Judith - Order to the freakin court. Order to the freakin court! Calm down sweetie. Are you critiquing his use of the salad fork as a steak knife. It’s not right, I know. And yes, that man is wrong, but we can learn him.
Pay attention to the kindness, the humor, the smirk he gave to your cocktail wink. These are things that matter. These are things that last just like your transparent handbag. His family never sending him to cotillion is on them hun - not him. We can work with it.
Don’t Talk About Your Ex - Is John there? No. Did he forget about your birthday? Yes. Forget John. Don’t be weird. New boo is interested in what you have to offer - not what John didn’t have to offer. For all intents and purposes, your ex never happened. Now how cool are you?
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for What You Want - You want that last fry on their plate - ask for it. How about another date in a week - nail it down with one question: “Ya wanna?” Don’t be scared to get what you're after. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
That’s the worst thing that could happen. But it won’t. So dive into your confidence and get your french fry girl!
Well, that’s literally it. That is absolutely all you should and shouldn’t do on a first date. Follow my steps and you're sure to have success.