Emily's Etiquette Series: Football Games


written by: Emily Alston

It’s that time of year my dears. When the fall air is as crisp as your organic seaweed chips. When the smell of pumpkin spice and mulled wine fill the air. When the wool sweaters come out of hiding and when the pigskin flys. 

Yes, it is the season of football. 

It’s time for the boys to strap on their helmets and for us to pull out our pom poms to cheer on their impending concussions. It’s certainly a time to be alive. 

One must be prepared in this season, and certainly before entering a stadium to enjoy the American pastime of football, so again I’m here to help.

Here are my top Do’s and Don’ts when attending a football game. 

The Do’s:

Do Bring Your Clear Handbag
Obviously...this is one of the most important Do’s to remember. You won’t get in the game without it! The law of the land these days is no entry into the stadium without a clear, transparent bag so don’t come incorrect. Grab your fav Margo Paige handbag and go cheer on those tackles and touchdowns. 

Do Join Your Nearest Tailgate for a Beer
Tailgates are where souls meet and become one. It would be a real crime to deny yourself this opportunity. Find a good looking tent, grab a Michelob Ultra and go introduce yourself to the Wilson family. They’ve been throwing their family tailgate for years and now you’ve just been invited to join them every gameday - you’re welcome. 

Do Leave 10 Minutes Into the 4th Quarter
Nobody likes a crowd stepping on your new cute booties. Avoid them. Head out early and miss the stampede of sweaty patrons. I like to leave precisely when the scoreboard says 5 min into the 4th quarter. This is the primetime to bounce because who leaves with 5 min left? No one, except you. 


The Don’ts:

Don’t Wear the Other Team’s Colors
Pick a side Debra. Nobody likes a Switzerland at a football game. Are you rooting for the team in blue or the ones in red Deb? Because those colors haven’t mixed since 1985. If you can’t decide, just go for the team hue that matches your eyes and put your money on them. 

Don’t Put a Flask in Your Underwear
I give you this advice too much, but here it is again - no sloppy Sallys please. Besides, security is bound to find it, and how embarrassing would that be? Officer Bob asking you to remove the souvenir flask you bought in Mexico from your pantaloons that you casually named Juan due to the classic mustache decal it displays. Awful. Just don’t bring Juan. 

Don’t Eat the Stadium Nachos  
They’re deadly. Trust me darling - they’ll give ya the toots or worse, the runs, and you’ll have to visit the unaccommodating commodes. Dreams die in those bathrooms and I just can’t have you in there for more than 5 min, so stay clear of the queso. 

And there you have it. Some more solid advice from your good friend Emily. 

Now go grab your Margo Paige handbag and enjoy the game sis!